Current:Home > StocksDo narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups. -GrowthInsight
Do narcissists feel heartbroken? It's complicated. What to know about narcissism, breakups.
View
Date:2025-04-15 10:11:51
If you've been discarded by a narcissist, you likely know the pain and rumination that follows a sudden breakup.
But how do narcissists feel when relationships ends? Do they experience heartbreak?
It's a complicated question − and mental health experts say the answer hinges on several factors, including what type of narcissist they are, if there's another person they're interested in who's readily available and if they had a say in ending the relationship.
"Do they have a broken heart? I mean, it's not fair for me to say they don't," says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist." "They experience their broken heart though as very shameful, because it feels weak and vulnerable to them."
What does love mean to a narcissist?
Narcissists − in addition to their grandiosity and need for attention and validation − lack empathy. In other words, they care about themselves and not others.
It's a common myth, however, that narcissists don't have feelings.
"They actually do have feelings. They have very big feelings. They just have feelings for themselves and not for you," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth."
Narcissists have a type.Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
Narcissists don't feel love in the same way non-narcissists do, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse." They don't love their partner; they love the narcissistic supply, or the attention and validation, that person brings them.
Therefore, if a narcissist feels heartbreak, it's mainly about the loss of supply, rather than the loss of the person.
"They're sad to lose something that worked for them," Cole says. "If you lost your favorite purse or lost your favorite possession or something that meant a lot to you, you would be sad about losing that thing that was important, because of what it did for you or how it made you feel."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Plus, telling a narcissist "no" − which essentially is what breaking up with them does − wounds their ego, resulting in what's called narcissistic injury. This serves as a stark reminder that their grandiose sense of self is merely an illusion.
"They work very hard to maintain this view of themselves, that they are the best, that they're the most attractive, that they're the smartest, that everyone would want to be with them," Cole says. "When you break up with them, you're essentially saying, 'Actually, that's not true, and you're not this grandiose person that you want to believe you are.' "
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
How the narcissist feels depends on how the relationship ended
When a narcissist's fragile ego gets hurt, all hell can break loose, and it's not uncommon for them to lash out by stalking or launching smear campaigns against their exes.
They also might try showering their exes with displays of affection in order to win them back, Durvasula says.
On the flip side, narcissists can also move on quite callously if they're the ones who initiated the breakup. Durvasula says narcissists discard partners once they grow bored of their supply and start craving a new source.
"It's often another person, or it's another opportunity, but whatever it is, it's shinier than that person they were with," Durvasula says.
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
Cole says narcissists also initiate breakups when their partners become "too difficult to manipulate or control."
"A lot of times, if you get healthier, the narcissist will start getting more frustrated with you," she says. "The better you get at setting boundaries and knowing your truth and not engaging with them, the more frustrated they get."
Is your teenager narcissistic?Probably, but that’s OK. Here’s why.
Heartbroken over a narcissist? Keep this in mind:
Sarkis encourages people who have been discarded by narcissists to focus on themselves. This, she says, in an important step in healing your own heartbreak.
More:Narcissists often try to win back their exes with ‘hoovering;’ experts say it’s emotional blackmail.
"When you're in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist makes the focus so much about them that when you leave the relationship − whether that's voluntary, involuntary − you're very focused on them," she says. "It's time to take that power back."
Plus, prioritizing your health and happiness also happens to be the best revenge.
"Narcissists don't like to see you happy," Cole says. "And so, the best way to really get revenge against the narcissist after a breakup is to be happy, is to fully invest in your life knowing that, yes, they are upset that you're happy, because you're showing them that you can be happy without them. You can survive without them."
Psychopaths are everywhere.Are you dating one? Watch out for these red flags.
veryGood! (714)
Related
- From family road trips to travel woes: Americans are navigating skyrocketing holiday costs
- A 'holy grail': Why 2 Californians believe they have the first footage of a white shark's birth
- Kishida says he’s determined to break Japan’s ruling party from its practice of money politics
- Surviving Scandoval: Relive Everything That's Happened Since Vanderpump Rules Season 10
- Costco membership growth 'robust,' even amid fee increase: What to know about earnings release
- Live updates | Israeli forces raid a West Bank hospital, killing 3 Palestinian militants
- India’s navy rescues second Iranian-flagged fishing boat hijacked by Somali pirates
- New Mexico is automating how it shares info about arrest warrants
- DoorDash steps up driver ID checks after traffic safety complaints
- Back home in Florida after White House bid ends, DeSantis is still focused on Washington’s problems
Ranking
- Boy who wandered away from his 5th birthday party found dead in canal, police say
- This $438 Kate Spade Crossbody & Wallet Bundle Is on Sale for Just $119 and It Comes in 5 Colors
- The 49 Most Popular Amazon Items E! Readers Bought This Month: $1 Lip Liners, Kyle Richards' Picks & More
- London police fatally shoot a suspect reportedly armed with a crossbow as he broke into a home
- Hidden Home Gems From Kohl's That Will Give Your Space a Stylish Refresh for Less
- Afraid of AI? Here's how to get started and use it to make your life easier
- Global anti-corruption efforts are faltering, partly due to a ‘decline in justice,’ survey finds
- Russian opposition figure Kara-Murza has disappeared from prison, colleagues say
Recommendation
Federal court filings allege official committed perjury in lawsuit tied to Louisiana grain terminal
EU moves slowly toward using profits from frozen Russian assets to help Ukraine
Albania’s Constitutional Court says migration deal with Italy can go ahead if approved
London police fatally shoot a suspect reportedly armed with a crossbow as he broke into a home
The FTC says 'gamified' online job scams by WhatsApp and text on the rise. What to know.
Better Call Saul's Bob Odenkirk Shocked to Learn He's Related to King Charles III
Pentagon releases names of 3 soldiers killed in drone attack in Jordan
WWE's CM Punk suffered torn triceps at Royal Rumble, will miss WrestleMania 40